Again tomorrow! I always have this feeling late Sunday where I start wondering what exactly happened to the weekend. It never ever seems to be long enough. Alas, that's the way the world turns right?
I know I haven't been as diligent on here as I was promising and wanted myself to be but I figure the sporadic update is better than none at all. I had a fill on... ok it was like two weeks ago on a Tuesday and I don't have a calendar in front of me, the 14th or the 15th maybe? I was disappointed yet again to see the number on the scale go up, up and away. I always feel really confident when I go in that this month I have gone done. I need to step back for a second though cause I did go down from my August fill, just not as much as I would have hoped for or expected. So in the 5 weeks between my August and September fills I lost.. drum roll please... 2 pounds. I felt bad for the nurse cause I was sitting there really upset almost in tears I just don't understand! I really need to start journaling my food. I think that my solution lies there. So starting tomorrow morning. Food journal comes back out and I'm gonna get another appointment with the dietitian to go over it. I just read a recent blog entry of Amy's and while I whole heartedly agree with what she was saying about not comparing your weight loss to others I'm struggling with that right now. My surgery date was March 7, its been nearly SEVEN months and I have only lost a whopping 7 pounds since before the pre-op diet. I keep going up and down and up and down. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I thought it would help me out a bit more.
On top of making a deal with myself to keep a food journal, I've got to increase my exercise. The easiest way I can think of to do that right now is to get on my Wii Fit EVERY morning for a half hour before work. I know that if I leave it for the afternoon I won't do it.
So those are my two short term goals right now: food journal, and exercise. I'll try to update everyone soon.
~Les

I'll write more in detail soon.
I've been feeling much better restriction these days but still feel as though at the next appointment a little top up would be nice.
As for the housing sitch, I've pretty much decided to buy my own place. I've gone to the bank, met a realtor and even looked at a few places. Now I just have to find the right place in my price range. It might not be in time for when I'm booted out of my current abode but I figure that if I need to wait until next fall I can rent a place close to work for pretty decent and still save some more to get the perfect place. I work right beside a teaching hospital so there are always the Res. rooms there or plenty of little old houses that rent out rooms.
Went out to a stagette last night. Had a few Sangria but not sooo many that I was feeling ill. Actually I did kind of feel shitty in the cab on the way home but when you haven't had anything to drink in quite a while I guess 3 could be a little much. I had a blast though. We went for dinner at the local ball diamond where you can sit on the patio, eat, drink, and watch the game. Then we were off for a cruise on the paddle wheel queen down the river. That boat was pretty quiet but the crowd that was there was tons of fun. I wasn't expecting the "bubble" machines. Not the cute ones that blow bubbles into the air though, ones that filled the entire dance floor with bubble bath-esque foam. It sure made for an interesting night. I think the 3 hours of dancing burned off any calories I may have over indulged in during the dinner and the drinks.
Well this isn't as short as I intended, so much for the quick update, I guess you're getting the whole thing now.
Did a quick weigh in at home this morning. I'm down! Yippee! I've really been trying to stay off the scale as I was finding that I was obsessing over the number, not how I felt.
Les

So up until recently I've been blissfully and ignorantly living at home with my parents. I know what you're saying "You're 24 you should be out on your own already." I totally agree. Thing is I've got this dog I can't bear to be separated from so while I'm living at home I've been saving away my money so that when I find the right place I can by myself a house. But life never quite goes according to plan now does it. A few months ago my mother was laid off due to "restructuring" so she has happily taken a bit of an early retirement. My father will be six next fall and in fall 2010 they plan on fulfilling their lifelong dream of retiring at the cabin. My mom has a job lined up at the local community college just 20 minutes from the cabin to supplement her income since she will not be of age to collect a government pension by that time so things seem to be happening just fine for them.
Where does that leave me though? While I'm happy for them and that they are going to do something they always wanted. I have by no means saved enough money for a down payment on a house. The housing market here is still ridiculously high compared to the trends realty has taken in other parts of the country. A house you could buy in Windsor for say $80,000 is going to cost you more like $140-160,000 here in Winnipeg. So I don't qualify for a mortgage. Another thing about Winnipeg, good luck finding a place to rent if you have pets!! Probably the worst place in the country for this. It's flat out refusal for pets of any sort, unless were talking a goldfish or something. Sometimes they might, just might allow a cat. Other cities realize that this is unreasonable and allow most renters to pay a larger damage deposit in exchange for pets in the space. No problem, I would totally do this in an instant. I'd put one months rent down as a damage deposit in order to get a place but they just flat out refuse any dogs. Now, I technically don't have to be out of the house until March or April when they will be listing but lets face it, I'm better off looking while there isn't 6 feet of snow on the ground making moving a less than easy affair. Also there are more places coming up right now due to university starting up soon and such. I can't afford to rent a house on my own either I've learned now so I'm trying desperately to find a room mate, and its not going so well. As in the one person I knew who was looking to move out and once mentioned that we should rent together has in the mean time mentioned the same thing to two other friends and now feels obligated to them somehow. Whatever.
Basically I'm just really lost, confused, nervous, scared and all those other stress related feelings right now. This undoubtedly is greatly impacted by the fact that I'm totally PMSing right now and I am literally crying every time I try to even think about finding a place.
How has this effected my weight loss. I don't even know anymore. I just got back from 2 weeks of vacation where the weather was terrible forcing me inside to laze about for 90% of the time, and I'm PMSing. I had a fill done this Tuesday (I managed to get in a couple weeks earlier than they originally booked me so yipee for that). I got 0.5 mL more put in, bringing me upto 4.75 mL total. I'm actually feeling the restriction quite a bit now. I noticed a difference the next day between 4.25 and 4.75 as opposed to the two weeks it took last time so thats awesome. However, when I weighed in at my fill appt it was a shock to find out that I was up 2 pounds from the previous month. I honestly thought that I'd maintained, if not dropped atleast 1 pound. I'm just not sure anymore what I'm doing wrong. I guess its back to the food journal for me again. I also don't even know if maybe those 2 pounds are just from my looming monthly visit or what.
All around, I'm just a confused mess. This is probably the most depressing post in the history of blogging as far as I'm concerned but I need to put it down somewhere or I feel like I'm going to explode.
That's it, that's all. For now atleast.

I'm headed out to the lake in a few hours so it will be a while before I post again. Well I could technically try since we've got a laptop and dial-up out there but in the time it takes to load a page... well it just takes forever and so isn't worth it.
My middle brother flies into the city about 5:30 and we're picking him up at the airport and heading straight out there. It's the first time he's been back to the 'Peg in four years. Craziness! I saw him last year for a few days I took a little vacay to spend some time in Canmore and Banff. I love it there but just my luck it rained the entire four and a half days I was there. I was so disappointed. I knew that there were supposed to be mountains out there but for the life of me do you think the clouds and fog would part so I could see them? Nope!

So it was a couple days back that this happened already I've just been a little busy, not a good start for getting back into the blogging thing I know.
Ok so here's the deal. I was house/puppy sitting for my neighbours for a few days. While I was there friday evening I poured myself a glass of water sat down and had a few sips. No more than 2 or 4 sips later I was overcome with an extreme wave a naseua. Now whether this had anything to do with having something to drink... I have no idea. The last time I'd eaten was about 4 hours earlier and I don't think it could've been a over eating/sticking issue. Where my issue and the panicing started was "Oh my god, what happens if I puke?" I know they say immediately after surgery there's worry about vomiting with band slippage and stuff, I'm almost five months out now though and the band should be all held in place with scar tissue and all by now right? I did have a slight puking episode the day after surgery and it hurt like hell, would it still hurt that much? So I ended up going home and lying down for a bit and it went away. But in the aftermath I was astounded at the level of anxiety this brought me. I was almost in tears on the phone with a girlfriend trying to talk myself down out of the panic. Does/has anyone else experienced this kind of panic related to feeling as though you will be sick while having the band? Will it hurt now that I'm healed or will it still be painful? I'm worried cause lets face it people get the flu or mild food poisoning all the time I'm kind of freaking out cause I don't know what to expect.
On another topic. I'm starting to feel some restriction! YAY! It's been two weeks since I had my fill and assumed that I was just going to have to wait until the next one to start feeling a difference. This weekend out of no where it was like "Oh, hey I only ate about 1.5 cups of food and I'm full." Ideally I would like to be eating around 1 cup per meal which is what I think is recommend so maybe I'll just need a small fill next time around. I'm going to start doing some reading and see what I can find out about other peoples experiences cause I'm surprised that after two weeks I'm just now starting to feel a difference. Strange, or maybe its different for everyone, I don't know.
Well back to doing laundry for me. I hope everyone enjoys what remains of their weekends.

So I thought I should get back on this wagon called blogging.
Life has been well life. If things went smoothly I'd be concerned that something was about to happen to throw a hitch in it.
Band wise things have totally been sucking ass to say the least. I've been recently starting to regret my decision to do this. About 2 weeks after my first fill I started experiencing some extreme back pain. Just to be sure it wasn't band related the good Doc's took out all but 1 mL of my saline. Well turns it wasn't related and it went away just as mysteriously as it started. So I'm now trying to work my way back up to that same level I was at before the un-fill. I was at 4.5 mL, down to 1 mL and now I'm at 4.25 mL. When I was at 4.5 mL I was doing great. Happy with my decision, losing weight, gaining back some confidence. I even hit onderland I was sitting at 195. Now... I'm back upto 205 and not feeling any restriction at 4.25 mL. I'm frustrated, angry, and just freaking pissed off. I have been religously tracking my food and eating high protein meals as advised. I just don't know what else to do. My next fill isn't until August 25 and it just seems so far away. It has now been 4 months and 15 days since my banding and I can honestly say that I have not really lost any significant amount of weight. I'm maintaining my pre-surgery weight but that isn't what I've done this for.
I guess I'm just going to have to start bumping up the exercise more and try to get in for another fill sooner if I can cause I'm totally fed up.
Sorry for those that might actually read this. Not exactly a nice and cheery "I'm Back!" I guess I needed to vent somehow and don't know where else to do it.

Well not really a valid excuse for being a bad blogger (not posting) but I had a wicked cold last week... yes I do realize that this week is almost over.
Things are going really well food wise. My portion sizes I would guess are anywhere from 2/3 to half of what they were pre-banding which is no doubt an improvement.
Work has been really good too, I've had the chance to learn some new applications whereby were using a type of bacteria that we've altered to make a specific protein for us. We can then purify this protein and eventually will use it in a study where we will feed it to rats and measure changes in stuff like total body fat a blood pressure.
Easter is well on its way so I thought I'd give a try at making Paska for the first time. Usually my Babcia (grandma, we're Polish) would make it but it is too much for her now. In case you don't know what Paska is it's a bread traditionally served at easter. It's kind of a sweet bread that has more eggs than a standard yeast bread, it also has raisins and is infused with Saffron. I love Saffron! Everything about that spice is heavenly to me, its scent, colour, taste, everything! A co-worker of mine is from Iran and when she last went to visit brought back a huge bag of Saffron for me ridiculously cheap. If I'm ever kind of feeling a little low I just open up that bag and smell and I'm instantly transported to another world. Anyways, this Paska is rising, again and I hope that I'll be finished baking it by midnight. Totally one of those times where I should've read the entire recipe before starting then I would've noticed the nearly 6 hours of rising time and 16 cups of flour!
I hope that you all have a wonderful Easter and are able to spend time with your loved ones. I know that I'm looking forward to a four day weekend and some possible trips to the dog parks and greenhouse!
Lots of Love - Les

Through my first week back at work that is. It was a huge relief to have something to do and to see that my two weeks off hadn't left me too tired/weak to do my job.
Food wise right now... not the greatest. I'm making every effort on my part to eat healthy the only thing is that I've obviously healed well since I eat about the same as before surgery. I have noticed a slight decrease in portion size but nothing that I can really be excited about. I used to have some bad eating habits in that I rarely prepared healthy meals. When I would get home from work I would just pull whatever was quick and easy from the cupboard or freezer. And we all know that if everything you're eating is pre-packaged and prepared you are not eating properly. So I have been trying to make meals every night. That way I also have leftovers for lunch the next day and that will save me from other bad food choices. I used to buy lunch everyday! It was a rare occasion for me to brown bag it but I need to make a habit of this now. It will also help my bank account too! I have been uber tempted lately by all the easter candy in the stores that seems to be making its way to the common areas at work. I cannot resist cadbury mini-eggs to save my life! Those little milk chocolate eggs with the vanilla candy coating might as well be crack cocaine for me, I have no will power when it comes to them.
Unfortunately on the weight front I'm up a little bit. I'm putting this partially down to my period which is a total pain, literally. The last two months have been really rough for some reason. Cramps strong enough to make you bend over in agony while your working. Also I'm eating more. That nice little drop after surgery is probably due to my initial "restriction." I'm scheduled for my first fill on April 21 so I can't wait and I'm praying that I get restriction the first time around. I really would like to atleast maintain my weight or not go above the 203 I reached with the pre-op diet. I feel like if I went above that 203 I'd be failing somehow. I know the dieticien told me I'd most likely put on weight after sugery and before my fill but there's still this sense of "Come on! You have the band, so what if it isn't filled! You should still be losing weight." Wrong attitude I know, but it's how I'm feeling about it.
Lots of Love - Les

P.S. Thanks for the words of advice Sarah! It's good to know that I'm not the only one that was hungry once they were back on solids.

So yesterday would have been my two week post-opiversary. How's that for making up occasions and words! I'm feeling good. All of my incision are healed up nicely. Only thing is that the staples around one are reacting pretty ugly so its a good thing that they're coming out on tuesday. I've always had a sensitivity to metal for things like jewelry mostly to anything made with nickel.. even if it was nickel that has been plated but I didn't even think going into the surgery that the staples would be a problem. Oops! Guess I was wrong about that one. I think they will leave more of a scar than the actual incisions. I've been using tea tree oil on them religiously now to try and keep the infection of them down and will continue to do so once the staples are out to speed up the healing.
Food is.... back to normal. I am not feeling any less hungry than before surgery so this really sucks. I can eat rice and bread just fine unfortunately. I'm kind of worried that maybe I stretched out my pouch already??? It just seems like I eat and eat some more just like I used to without feeling any fuller. Is it possible that the food is just moving through my band that quickly since it isn't filled? I know that the dietitien told me I could expect to gain weight after surgery until I get my first fill which is a month away now. But really should I not feel any sort different fullness feeling at all? I did when I first started on mushies and solids but that didn't last long. I'm such a worry wart and I'm scared that I maybe have sabotaged myself already by unknowingly overeating and stretching my pouch. If anyone out there that might be reading this did you experience any/no difference once you'd healed but before your first fill? I guess I'm looking for some reassurance/guidance. Yes this is kind of normal or No you should really go see the Doc's.
Since it is two weeks out I thought I'd weigh in and measure up so here are the numbers:
21Mar09
197.5 pounds down 5.5 pounds from day of surgery
Bust 47 inches down 0.25 inch from day of surgery
Waist 45.5 inches up 1 inch from day of surgery (Yeah... Don't know what that's about?)
Hips 47 inches down 0.75 inch from day of surgery
I'm happy with these numbers and realize that they probably will stay around the same until I get a fill. I have however set myself a goal of 195 pounds to lose by my fill date. Since I've been told that I will probably gain I feel that losing 2.5 pounds in a month is pretty realistic. Maybe I'll even surprise myself and lose more! Wouldn't that be nice?
I'm back to work tomorrow and so happy to go. Never though I would say that. While I do love my job everyone likes time off... but I've been soooo bored. It will be a relief to be occupied and busy!
Lots of Love - Les

So where to begin, again. Uhm, after surgery while in recovery one of the nurses commented on how great I was doing and that I was fantastic for having had a general anesthetic and that "it's almost as if you haven't had one at all!" I guess that's good, right?
My perogie went down just fine yesterday, in fact I had two. Kind of worried. I know I haven't had a fill but should I not feel some restriction still since things have to move along through the stoma that is most likely still swollen? Not feeling a decrease in appetite what so ever. Today I made a white sauce and threw in some cheddar cheese into it. Then I steamed some asparagus until it was really soft and put a bit of the sauce on top. It was great. Later I had some steamed brocolli and cauliflower with the sauce. For breakfast I'd had about 1/2 cup of rice pudding and I've also managed to eat about a 1/2 cup of jell-o today... Seems like a lot doesn't it??
I have to admit I'm getting kind of paranoid about my band maybe having slipped in my mess of a sunday night. How will I know if it has? Shouldn't I be in pain or something... or not being able to eat anything? I guess I will give the good doc's a call on monday. I have an appointment on the 24 in the evening to get my staples taken out. I can't wait. They're driving me nuts. It become almost obsessive that I check them to see if everything is healing and blah blah blah.
My parents are having pizza for dinner and I'm totally jealous. It smells amazing. It has black olives on it and it still smells/looks good... I HATE black olives.
Oh I did my measurements when I started the meditrim and the day of surgery. Here they are:
22Feb09
210 pounds
Bust - 48.5 inches
Waist - 48.5 inches
Hips - 48.5 inches
I was not surprised at the weight. The measurements however horrified me. I hadn't realized that my "curves" were in fact at a point that I was just, just, I guess fat all around.
7Mar09
203 pounds down 7 pounds
Bust - 47.25 inches down 1.25 inches
Waist - 44.5 inches down 4 inches
Hips - 47.75 inches down .75 inch
Overall I lost 7 pounds and 6 inches in two weeks. Not bad if I can say so myself.
I cheated the other day and stepped on the scale and it said I was at 198.5 pounds. That's not offical though, but I'm still excited!
Lots of Love - Les

I got banded on the 7th. I am now 5 days post op and feeling great. I've never been put under anesthesia before so that was interesting. I remember everything before. The super cute scrub nurse Phil coming to get me and walking to the OR. Getting the IV put in, a blood-pressure cuff on my right arm and whatever that thing is on your finger (measure pulse or oxygen content of blood, maybe both). The next thing that happened was Phil sticking some things on me don't know what they were for either. He then brought over an oxygen mask and told me to take deep breaths.... and then I woke up in recovery. Uhm... what happened to two hours?? I didn't even know I was getting the anesthetic already and then it was all over!
So I was all groggy in recovery and kind of antsy since my feet were absolutely freezing! I felt sorry for the nurse, my heart rate keep jumping around. Kind of settling and then jumping back up to about 110 beats per minute. They were kind of worried at first but then it settled. She kept having to run back and forth to me cause the machine monitering my pulse etc beeped every other minute. I also felt bad for her cause after I woke up she gave me a little sip of water and told me to just rest and go back to sleep for a bit. Little did she know that I absolutely cannot sleep if my feet are cold. Every night, even in the summer, I heat up a magic bag in the microwave for 3 minutes before bed just so that I can put it on my feet, without it... I need atleast two pairs of socks, a pair of slippers and my dog to patiently lie on my feet until they're toasty before I doze off.
So what could've been an easily passed two hours in recovery sleeping was instead me looking around and being inquizitive. I was home that day by dark I remember so it must have been no later than 7 o clock in the evening. That night I mostly slept and had the odd sip of water. I was sooo dehydrated. So day one post op I was doing good too. I'd had water and juice on hand all day was feeling good. Somewhere along the way I decided to have some pudding. Bad idea. My stomach totally retaliated against it. Was up twice during the night with severe nausea and a lot of dry heaving. It was sooo painful. I actually ended up having to phone my Dad at work and get him to pick up some gravol suppositories pronto since I couldn't even keep liquid gravol down and the taste of it just started the gag reflex on its on.
After my rough sunday night I took it pretty easy on monday and tuesday. Kept on using the gravol and stayed on water/juice only for monday and then added some jello on tuesday. I tollerated the jello well so I made some cream of mushroom soup and took the immersion blender to it. Went down smoothly. Yesterday I managed to eat a whole tin of vegetable soup (campbell's veg to be exact yummy) partially blended and it went down smooth too. So my dieticien had said that I will be able to tell when I'm ready for mushies so I'm going to try a perogie tonight... basically mashed potatoe and see how that goes. I've been getting a lot hungrier yesterday and today so I guess that means the swelling is going down and food is passing through much more easily.
My incisions (all 5) are healing well, they don't hurt. The only discomfort I have is when I'm sitting up kind of under the largest incision where the port is I sometimes get a weird almost tugging sensation. Is this normal? Maybe just the band and the line attached to the port moving or something? I don't know. I've been lying down a lot so I will need to start sitting up more and letting this sort itself out or get used to it I guess. Ok this is really long and I haven't even covered everything so there will be more to come!
Lots of Love - Les

I cheated :( Went to see a movie with my neighbour and couldn't resist the popcorn. I probably had about 2 cups, and he bought me ring pop's cause he's so sweet and thought that they were "lower calorie" and I felt guilty saying no... really I just have had enough of this 600 calorie crap. I'm tired, exhausted beyond belief.
I've only got 4 sleeps until I get banded! Still sure that I'm doing the right thing though.
I do believe that I will need a new name for my blog though. I could stick with Life of Leslee but I think I should mix it up. Some ideas I have are:

• Lap-Band and Leslee or Leslee and Lap-Band
• Now you see me, Now you don't
• Losing Les or Les Losing (oh yeah... lots of people pronounce Leslee with more of a "z" sound, I use an "s" so it would be like less)
• Living Light with Les or Les Living Light

And that's all I've got for now. For the few of you seem to be following me (Hi and thanks by the way!) What do you think, and might you have some suggestions. So I'm going to go an be lazy and watch some TV or something.
Lots of Love - Les

Until being banded that is. Sorry it's been a while since I've posted. This whole pre-op diet has kind of thrown me out of my routine. I've been tired tired tired, and for the most part just unpleasant to be around. I was a little concerned cause in the week I've been on it I've only lost 4.5 pounds. Which is a great accomplishment for me but it seems that most people lose a dramatic amount of weight on the diet and I'm worried that me not losing as much is of concern for some reason my liver isn't shrinking or whatnot and that they won't be able to do the surgery. :( Yikes! I worry a lot so I sent out an e-mail to the dietitian and she said not to worry. She expects me to lose about 10 pounds in the two weeks so... I'm practically halfway there and that maybe I just don't have as much fat in my liver to lose. That was somewhat reassuring but at the same time I'm still totally worried and paranoid.
So happy March everyone I can't believe time has gone by this fast but isn't that the way it always happens. Only 5.5 more days of meditrim and then I will be banded and off to a new start.
Lots of Love - Les

So I am already grieving for food. Haven't even started the MediTrim and I'm thinking "Wow, I'm really going to miss eating this." I've hit up Sushi, and an Indian restaurant for my fills already. Friday night I'm going out with Sherri for my birthday/last supper. Not really sure where I want to eat though. Maybe Italian... I really don't know.
I dropped off my final payment at the surgical centre today and also picked up my MediTrim. I will be having two shakes and one bar a day. I'm also allowed two cups of non-starchy veggies. I'm thinking I'll probably end up have a cup of sliced cucumber everyday (I love cucumber) and a cup of steamed spinach. Strange but even as a child I've always loved steamed spinach with a bit of vinegar on it so that I will also enjoy. The dietitien okay'd my request to have sugar free jell-o for the two weeks, but no more than 2 cups. I'm hoping that this will help me get past that need to snack on something since the raspberry ones are so strongly flavoured. I picked up some crystal light drink mixes since they're sugar free and also found some sugar free iced tea mix which I will be able to have.
I know already that I am going to be the worlds crankiest bitch for those two weeks so I might have to give my family and co-workers fair warning. 600 calorie per day diet mixed with PMS/period is not a good idea but it's happening anyways.
Went to the Brad Paisley concert with Maria last night, sat in 29 row on the floor. It was absolutely amazing. I'll have to post a few pics once I download them. I even got a picture of myself sporting my new cowgirl hat my father brought back from Nashville for me. It could serve as one of my before photos.
I'm having my family birthday dinner tomorrow since my actual birthday I will be on MediTrim :( I requested BBQ ribs (one of my dad's specialties) and cheesecake... yummm.... My Mom makes a great cheesecake. I have also requested that as of saturday morning (when I start on MediTrim) that all leftovers from this meal are removed from the house so I'm not tempted. I don't care if they have to eat themselves sick or give it to the neighbours I want it gone.
Anyways, I think that's all I have to share for now and my novel for today is long enough.
Lots of Love - Les

So in exactly one week I get to start on MediTrim. That's what they're using instead of optifast, it doesn't have aspartame which is a bonus. I'm allowed to have with that upto 2 cups of non-starchy veggies a day as well as sugar free kool-aid, soda, crystal light, jell-o (max 2 cups of jell-o a day). I know that surviving on a 600 calorie diet for 2 weeks is going to be extremely difficult for me. I can guaruntee that the first day I will be convinced I'm dying. I remember when I did the south beach diet a few years back that cutting out all of the sugar like that sent me for a real spin. I was so dizzy and nauseated all the time that I had to allow myself a piece of fruit every day so I wouldn't pass out. I hope that I'm able to cope with it though and won't have to skip out of work because of it. I don't really have the sick days available for more than my two weeks of recovery.
Heading out tonight for indian food as a "valentines" treat with a few girls and then to a pub after for some live music. Went for my last sushi last night with the guys across the street. It was soooo good and the whole time I just keep thinking that you better enjoy this cause you might never be able to have it again. It is finally sinking in how permanent and drastic this is going to be which is what I need. If I physically cannot eat something or a lot of somthing (4 rolls at sushi) I won't. I'm feeling nervous about the surgery and excited at the same time to start my new life. And also a little relieved that this is happening and that soon I just won't have the option of over eating or eating certain things and then I won't feel guilty after. So this week my eating habits will most likely go right out the window. I'm almost pretending that I will never eat again or something and therefore should go for all of the things I love cause it might be the last time ever.
Lots of Love - Les

Have my first appointment with the Dietitian tomorrow. Not really sure what to expect. I imagine she will go over how I will be eating during the MediSlim weeks... if there is any eating at all. And hopefully some information and tips for post banding. Also have to stop by the bank tomorrow at some point during the day to pick up a draft for my 25% installment that I can give them while there for the appointment. The one thing they had mentioned during my consult was that I would meet with a psychologist but I have yet to hear anything about booking that appointment.
Unfortunately my baby girl (my dog) got sick again the other day after recently (about a month ago) going through this dilemma of not being able to keep food down. I had to feed her rice only for about a week and slowly reintroduce her kibble last time. It so happened that the vet called on Monday to see how she was doing. Is it possible that she's psychic since Summer started getting sick again just the day before? Who knows. She seems to be ok now and I'm going to attribute it to the fact that we were out a lot over the weekend and she was eating a ton of snow and lord knows whatelse.
For those of you looking for a salad recipe the great little cafe across from work serves the greatest one ever. Using lettuce of your choice (romaine or spring mix are ideal), chop up a green apple and throw it in along with some feta cheese, some walnuts, celery, and a little green onion. My dressing of choice is a greek dressing. The girls at work also love it with sun-dried tomatoe or italian dressing. It's delish.
And I leave you today with a picture of my fur baby Summer. Notice her super cute Strawberry Shortcake bandana.
Lots of Love - Les

Apparently a message was left for me on Friday to confirm my appointment with the dietitian today at 4:30... uhmmm what message? They called me at work actually in a bit of a panic because our entire city turned into a skating rink overnight and the roads/walking has been horrendous. Kind of them to be concerned that I had fallen somewhere and couldn't get up or something but not the case. It just happens that my father is not good at taking or giving messages. I told them to call me on my cell from now on and even if I don't answer it goes to my voice mail that I check regularly. So I'm rescheduled in for Wednesday at 4:30. Hopefully driving and such has worked itself out by then.
I ended up over at my friend Sherri's yesterday. She just lives down the street and called me in a bit of a panic and just needed someone there. We spent the afternoon together chatting and playing with her baby girl (she's so cute). A week or two ago I was sure I wasn't going to tell her. But I did, and I'm glad I did she's really excited and happy for me and her one condition was that when I've lost some or all of the weight and want to go shopping for a pair of heels she has to be there. That's easy enough. I also told two girls at work today since what I'm working on right now is mostly for their PhD's or publications I felt that I needed to let them know that I'll be out for a couple weeks so we can plan ahead and get some stuff done and what not. It went good with them too. I was more worried about telling them since they are doing their PhD's in human nutritional sciences I was worried about how they would react. It wasn't fantastically like Sherri but at the same time it wasn't as if they were outright saying that I shouldn't do it and calling me a cheater or lazy or something. So everything looks mostly good.
Lots of Love - Les

Sadly as I expected the bank declined my initial application for a line of credit because my annual income is $2000 less than the minimum. My FA said she's going to forward it and have an actual person look at it rather than just the computerized creditor. So cross your fingers!

Happy Saturday!
The weather has actually been tolerable the last few days (only minus 20 C with the windchill) so I think this afternoon I might venture over to the dog park with Summer (my dogger) so we can both stretch our legs. She has been antsy lately with it being so cold. Whenever I take her out or for a walk she gets all excited to be outside and then realizes its freezing and that it hurts her paws and promptly stops, and lies down on her back so as not to touch the ground with her feet.
I've got an appointment at 3 o'clock with my financial advisor to apply for a line of credit. I really hope I qualify. My income falls just short (by $2000) of what they usually consider the minimum to qualify. I do think that I have really good credit though so keep your fingers crossed. I really need this line of credit so that I can have the surgery. Otherwise its the VISA and the practically illegal interest rate that I'll be using for a portion which I really don't want to do.
I worked up the nerve yesterday to go talk to my boss about the fact that I will be having surgery on March 7 and have been told to take 2 weeks to recover. He's such a nice guy, almost like a second dad. At first I didn't tell him what it was for and he was all concerned and worried about me. So I explained that everything is okay and that it is actually an elective surgery (I told him its the Lap-Band) that I've opted for to improve my overall health. He said to me that my health is the number one priority and to take as long as I need. What a great boss! Now all I've got to do is probably tell a few of the girls at work. There's 3 or 4 of them that I'm really close with and actually consider to be great friends. And since we have lunch together all the time and go out sometimes I think I'm going to have to tell them eventually. Otherwise they might start to think I have an eating disorder. Anyways, that's all for now. I'm going to go curl up on the couch and watch a movie. I'm feeling pretty lazy this morning.
Lots of Love - Les

So how excited am I? Unbelievably excited! I book my surgery today! So the date is set for March 7 unless something should change. The only thing that sucks is I will have to start the dreaded diet the day before my birthday. Oh well, it's for the better right?!? Also, I was originally told that it would be OptiFast that I would be choking down for two weeks. They have apparently changed some stuff here and it is now MediSlim. I think that's what it was called. The benefit is supposed to be that it has a higher protein content (therefore keeps you full longer) and an added bonus no aspartame! The no aspartame I'm totally stoked about as I know for a fact that if I have too much of it I end up with a wicked stomach ache. So what's left to do. I need to get my appointments with the dietitien and the psychologist. Both of which I expect to have set up by the end of the week or early next week as she just needs to clarify their schedules. I also have to drop by and give them my 25% down payment.. sob.. so much money gone so easily. I can't think about that though. This isn't about the money. My health and happiness does not have a price associated with it. And that's that.
Lots of Love - Les

I was getting a little impatient so I sent a quick e-mail to the patient advisor over at the surgical center to see if she had any news as to when I might be able to book a date. She got back to me this morning by e-mail and said that she just finalized the Dr.'s schedules yesterday and wanted to when and where would be the best to contact me to set up my appointments. So no actual date booked yet but its encouraging to at least be making some progress.
In completely unrelated to lap band topic. I'm one of those people constantly searching for the perfect skin care routine and beauty products whether they are commercial or homemade concoctions. And have I got a new favorite. In my never ending quest to clear up my complexion and moisturize my skin I discovered the Oil Cleansing Method. Really what it is is using oil to wash you face. Bizarre I know but it works. I'm using a mixture of sweet almond oil with a little castor oil that I massage onto my face for about 5 minutes in the evenings before bed. I then place a hot steamy face cloth over my face (just like at the spa) until it is cooled and wipe off the oil. So the steam opens the pores and since you're using oil (the gunk in your pores is also oil) the oil dissolves all the gook and you can wipe it away. I rinse out the cloth and steam again for a total of 3 steams/wipes. My face is left beautifully moisturized and with clear pores. I'm in love with this! In the mornings all you need to do is wash gently with water and you're good to go. Amazing! So if you're up for it try it out I highly recommend.

Yes the deadly present from mother nature has yet again come rolling around. I've been PMSing pretty bad this month. Not sure why. For example on Friday I went out for Sushi for lunch with a friend.. ate like 2.5 - 3 rolls and was still hungry?!??! Then I ended up going out for indian food last minute with who I consider to be my closest girlfriend. I have also been super dehydrated and just cannot seem to drink enough water.
So while I was out with my girl Sherri I had this little mental issue going on with myself. I was stuck. I kept thinking "Ok now is a good time to tell her" but then she would start talking about her own weight loss stuff and I would back up and do a "maybe not." I did this all night so I think I've decided to just not tell her. She is trying to lose weight as she had her second child about 4 months ago and managed to put on about 50 pounds. She is only about 5 feet tall and would normally only weigh about 100 pounds so I understand why she is doing it but the fact that it is all she talks about now really bothers me. Once I got home I did some thinking about our relationship. It isn't what I want it to be and I don't think it ever will. I have never ever seemed to be able to have close friends. For some reason I just don't entirely "click" with people. Sherri and another friend Amber are as close as I have ever been to any friend and now I think that I would never tell them about the Lap-Band. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am friends with them... but I am still very different from them and in a very different part of my life then them. Sherri is happily married, 5 years older than me, and has two children 4 and 4 months. Amber is... well Amber is 21 years old and partying as far as life will let her. Her greatest concern is whether or not she has a boyfriend mostly because she loves sex. I love her to death but as far as moral go that girl and I are extremely different. Me being a soon to be 24 year old virgin and her a 21 year old that cannot count on two hands how many sexual partners she has had.
I think what I really need in life now other than claiming my health back through weight loss is to make some new friends. Find a friend that I can share everything with and that I get along with really well.

I heard back from the team at the surgical center on Tuesday. They'd received the form from my GP and gotten the go ahead from the anesthesiologist. So now the super nice patient advisor there just needs to finalize the good Doc's schedules and then we can book a date. It sound like I'm looking at a day sometime in March, hopefully no later than the beginning of April.

Unfortunately while my brother was here for his super quick visit he figured it out. After my father's comment on the Sunday after he commented me on his wait and him taking the message from the clinic (they just asked that I call) he figured it out. I'm kind of upset about this. Mostly because of his reaction. He wasn't completely against it, instead he wants/told me to get a referal to Ontario so that the government will pay for it but they won't pay for a Lap-Band I told him. His response was "I know, I'm talking about a gastric by-pass."

Is he out of his flipping mind?!?! There is no way that I'm going to have a gastric by-pass. Yes I am overweight, yes I want to have weight-loss surgery, but no I do not want to have my stomach physically cut in half (or less) and re-routed to just a portion of my intestine leaving me unable to properly digest and absorb nutrients. His view probably comes from the fact that his wife's cousin had a GB done about 8 years ago I guess and she has lost the weight. Great for her, she's probably lost 300 pounds. But I have about 70-80 to lose, not 300. I think for him he believes that the GB is better only because the government will pay and therefore saves me money... Uhmm... I can't put a price on my life, health and happiness. Can you? So no. I will not have a GB. I will however continue the process of getting a Lap-Band happily, healthily, and most importantly safely (much much safer than a GB as far as I'm concerned).

That's all for me today. I'm going to crawl into bed with my book, try and get the dog to lay on my feet to keep em warm since Grey's Anatomy was a repeat tonight :(

Lots of Love - Les

So my biggest brother flew in from Toronto this morning to go to a funeral service tomorrow. Despite the terrible circumstance that he's here for it was really great to see him. I think I last saw him in September?? I can't quite remember actually. Either way it is nice to see him. I miss both of my brothers so much sometimes.

Bless his heart though he said "It looks like you lost some weight," if he only knew. Then my father had to open his big fat mouth and say "Oh, have Les and Mom told you what she's going to do?" At which point he was promptly told to mind his own business and that when I was ready I would tell people. Besides I don't even have a surgery date yet. This little incident though gives me some incite that it might be a lot harder than I thought to keep things a secret. It's not that I don't want it to be a secret exactly its just that I don't think that everyone needs to know, there are somethings you keep to yourself and I don't think I need to publicize my weight loss surgery to my friends and family and announce my intentions.

Back to work tomorrow and the regular routine. I made the mistake of checking my work e-mail though and there are 3 e-mails from the boss about experiments he wants me to do. I guess I will be clearing my schedule again this week to do his stuff. But hey if it keeps me in a job I can't complain!

I've been trying to imagine what it will be like to be full after only bites of food. Needless to say, I can't imagine. I had two salads for lunch today cause I was starving and some KD for dinner and I'm still not totally satisfied. I should really be making a better attempt right now to eat healthy. I seem to have adopted this new attitude that since I'm 99.9% sure I'll be having the surgery what I eat from now until then does not really matter. Bad attitude, I know better. So I'll have to work on that.

So have a great week everyone, its almost the end of January can you believe it! Me neither!

Lots of Love - Les

Well, I just had myself a good cry. I missed Grey's Anatomy last night since I went to the Sam Roberts concert. The show was amazing, it reinforced that belief I have in the power of great live music being able to lift you and heal your soul. There is just something about seeing a great musician perform that makes my heart ache with passion. Maybe I was a musician in a past life or something. Anyways my crying comes in with me watching last nights Grey's online. And as usual I got myself so wound up in the plot and characters that I ended up crying. But hey sometimes you just need a good cry to get things you didn't even know you were upset about out of your system.

I dropped off the form at my GP's yesterday for him to fill out. Hopefully he'll do that soon so I can continue progress and book a date. I'm kind of worried about it. I guess because I personally don't have a lot of trust with my GP and I'm not happy with the care I've been receiving.

Despite the start of my week and some super stress at work the rest of the week turned out just fine. I was able to pump out some results for the boss on short notice and learn several new techniques in the process. I got to try out some gel column separation, digestion of plasma and adiponectin, as well as some new antibodies and a multi screening western blotting apparatus... I realize that to the non-science geek lab tech nerds out there that probably means nothing so sorry all!

As I was saying I hit up the Sam Roberts concert last night and if you haven't heard of him I highly suggest checking out his music. He's a great rock musician based out of Montreal. His music is great to just sit back and chill out to. It's catchy with some great lyricism. While I was at the show though I was struck with a huge pang of guilt. There's another Canadian band I adore, Matt Mays & El Torpedo, that I didn't go see in the fall simply because I didn't want to go alone. I need to start pushing myself out of my comfort zone more often. It's one of those confidence type issues where I'm nervous to do things without friends. There was absolutely no other reason for me not to go to that show, tickets were only $20. If I had gone I'm sure I would have had an awesome time. So I've got to work on that, keep telling myself that I don't need to have a buddy around to do everything. So I decided that if Matt heads back into Peg city this year, regardless if I can find someone to go with me I will go. I won't miss him for something like that again. Didn't I say earlier that I had to stop spending so much money on concerts though? What's wrong with me? It's a sick obsessive compulsion. So lets try to make a better resolution. No big ticket concerts. Smaller venues with tickets no more than $50. I will not buy anymore $300 tickets (Elton John anyone?!?!) and if I must absolutely see that artist I will settle for the cheaper ticket even though it won't be floor :( It hurts to say but I need to set my priorities right. Lap-Band... Concerts... Lap-Band... Concerts.... LAP-BAND!!! DUH!

Alright all I leave you with my Music of the Moment: Sam Roberts Band - We Were Born in a Flame

Lots of Love - Les

So I met with the surgeon today... Dr. Andrew. He was really great. All of my questions were answered and more. Having my Mom with me there was a great idea since she asked things I hadn't thought of. She also said later that she was happy she went so that she saw who exactly would be operating on her "baby girl." She felt relieved to see what kind of a person it was and to learn that he is also a practicing surgeon at one of the hospitals in the city and that the lap-band job is not his primary focus (I guess that makes him a good surgeon in her eyes?)
Dr. Andrew went over my medical history, my weight loss attempts and then popped me on the scale (which was a scary four pounds meaner than mine and my GP's) and then prodded my belly for a bit. It was interesting he said that the way I carry my weight would actually make it easier for them to perform the operation. Right now I need to get my GP to fill out a form and return it to them. From there we can look at booking a surgery date. Once its booked its a waiting game except that I will have to do the dreaded Optifast for two weeks prior to surgery. Interesting cause I thought that I had heard of every diet product out there and had never heard of Optifast until I started reading the lap-band blogs. I sincerely hope that it isn't as terrible as everyone makes it out to be.
In other news... I have my very first follower! Hi Tracey! I look forward to keeping in contact with you and learning from your blog also as I continue along this path.
As of today I am for sure a go ahead with the surgery. Just need to tie up some loose ends (Dr's forms and money) and book. Hopefully within the next 6 weeks I myself will be a "bandit".
Lots of Love - Les

And what a Monday it was. You know how you hate Mondays and always dread how they just seem to keep happening. Whether it's back to work or long-standing appointments everyone has something they hate about Mondays but at the end of the day it usually doesn't turn out nearly as bad as you seem to think it should be. Most of the time. I today had a true Monday where everything was turned upside down and topsy turvy and reminded me that sometimes I don't love my job. I do for the most part love my job and have it scheduled and worked out to a tee that keeps me sane. That is until the boss shows up monday morning in his own state of panic because there is a grant due in two weeks and experiments must be finished this week and whatever work and experiments I had planned need to be shuffled off for another time. I love consistency. I thrive on organization and planning so needless to say this morning when this happened I entered this zone of complete anxiety and therefore stupidity. All of a sudden the things I am so good at I can not even comprehend. I walked back into the lab with what I'm sure was a look of sheer terror on my face and attempted to do some calculations but ended up staring at a blank piece of paper, pencil in hand until one of the graduate students woke me out of my panic coma and got me a cup of tea.
Once I got past all of this, the day was fine. It did however remind me that no amount of organization and preparation will ever keep me from experiencing a true Monday.
And on more lap band related news tomorrow is my consultation! I decided instead of trying to rush back and forth from work I would just use my overtime hours to cover the whole day. So my appointment is at one o'clock, my Mom is going with me for support and act as an extra set of ears as well as another "interogator" acting in my best interest.

Lots of posts for one day I know. To keep me motivated some of the women we see all the time I find to be very beautiful and aspire to have just one ounce of their charm. And I apparently seem to think that all women named Kate or Katherine are beautiful... strange.

I've been thinking quite a bit the last couple of days about who I will tell if I do get the band. Like so many other people I find that everything socially inevitably is food associated. Even at work I find that food is a problem. There are 16 people in our lab so obviously more than one birthday a month to contend with cake and ice cream. Monthly meetings where lunch is provided usually is pizza or thai food and lots of people who just like to cook or bake and bring food for everyone to try. It can be a lot to deal with and no wonder I have difficulty with my weight. When ever I do something with my girls there are some staples: dinner, movie (must have popcorn with M&M's and licorice apparently), coffee, or the bar (liquid calories). So it seems that I will be adjusting my life style habits quite a bit. But do I tell anyone whats going on?
I know for a fact that at work eyebrows are going to be raised when I say "No thankyou" to food. And coupled with the fact that I will hopefully be losing weight people will become suspicious because they won't see me eating a whole lot. Do I tell them or do I keep it my personal business. It's tricky because I few of the people in the lab I am actually really close friends with.
I don't have a problem telling my family. We are all pretty close. I have two older brothers and a sister-in-law as well as two nephews. I know for a fact that both of my parents are very supportive and are willing to do whatever it takes to help me through this. I am sure that the rest of my family will be just as supportive. As a matter of fact my sister-in-law has a cousin who underwent gastric by pass several years ago and I know that she was very supportive of her.
So I guess until I know for sure what will be happening I can't make a definitive decision. Until then it's a wait and see.

The Deep Freeze that is. For those of you who don't know where I live, Winnipeg is pretty much located smack dab in the center of Canada in the province of Manitoba about 2 hours North of the US border. It isn't uncommon to hear our little city referred to as Winterpeg. We have two seasons, Winter and Warmer. Unfortunately I'm not joking. Right now we're stuck in a cold spell for the last week we've been experiencing temperatures around -49 degrees celcius with the windchill and it makes it a little hard to do anything. Maybe we're all just penguins disguised as humans cause I really do believe that people are not meant to live in these conditions.
Despite this I've been doing ok. Getting a little bit of cabin fever but I just keep reminding myself that there is an end in sight.

I had a great day today, better than I have in quite a long time. I was kind of stuck in a rut at work and I seem to be digging out of it now. I guess I should explain what I do.
I work as a technician in a research lab. The funny part is that the particular lab I work in is mostly nutritional based. We look at how different components found in food, or just general food types help obesity and cardiovascular diseases. For example we've researched CLA (found primarily in dairy), omega-3 in flax and fish oils, as well as pulses (beans, lentils etc) and our latest is buckwheat. We conduct our research on both a basic level working with animal models of obesity and diabetics as well as on a clinical level having patients with pre-existing conditions consume food items. How did I end up researching nutrition when I myself seem to have such trouble managing my own diet and well-being?? I have no idea.
Anyways, for a while I was stuck not getting any good results for my boss and was feeling the tension from him. This week things seem to have changed. I almost wonder if it's one of those if you have a positive attitude it works situations. Since I've made my decision to get a consultation about the band I have noticed my attitude and outlook has done a 360. I have struggled with depression for quite some time and the last week I feel as though a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I can attribute this to nothing except for my taking the first step towards a better me.
Only 6 days until my consultation now and I'm very excited. My Mom is going to go with me as a second set of ears and for moral support. Since we're both taking the afternoon off to do this we're going to go do a little retail therapy down in that area of the city after. I've recently gotten into leather crafting and there is a Tandy Leather Factory out that way I love to visit. I've got some great ideas but need to pick the brain of the shop owner and pick up some supplies. We're both also avid knitters and there's a great local yarn shop out that way we can stop into. I'm kind of stoked to have a girls afternoon out too, it has been a while since my Mom and I have had some bonding time without Dadder around.
I was reading the Skinny Biddy's latest entry and she was saying how she feels like no one could ever be attracted to the fat her and since she still feels like the fat Bridget no one could ever be attracted to her now. I've faced this same fear so many times myself. I often wonder if I lose the weight how comfortable I will be in my own skin. There is no doubt that the "fat" person is perceived and treated much differently than the "skinny" person. How will I adjust to the way people talk to me, look at me and treat me? It is something I don't know, but I am sure that it will take monumental adjustment. I often feel like Bridget and wonder if it even matters if a lose the weight. Cause I'm ugly fat so won't I still be ugly skinny... why bother? But then I need to remind myself that I'm not doing this so that people will think I'm beautiful, I'm doing this for me. My health and wellness is more important that others opinion and perception of my beauty. I have lots of great friends that love me the way I am. I'll just be Leslee 2.0. Vamped up on the outside but the inner strength that makes me who I am today will always be there.
So if you're reading this Bridget I'm with you girl! We'll find our prince charming when we're least expecting it but your inner beauty really does need to be appreciated first and foremost.
Lots of Love - Les (hopefully 2.0)

I'm still sure about my decision so that is a good thing at this point for me. I sometimes tend to make great plans and then as the date approaches I back out. Such as spending two months looking for vacations to Cuba and then just 3 weeks before the actual date of departure decide that I really don't want to go alone after all and would rather spend my money else where.
I had a call from the Dr.'s office yesterday and they have changed the time of my appointment from 4:15 to 1:00 which actually works better for me so that's great. I did not post yesterday since I was not feeling very well.
I kind of had this weird nauseated feeling all evening and all I could think was "Here we go again!" As a kid I consistently would get sick anywhere from two to three times a week. No warning or anything and could sometimes go months without an episode. The worst part was that I would actually vomit in my sleep. I do not remember ever doing this just waking up afterwords and obviously being very upset. As I got older the episodes have become much less frequent and I at least wake up feeling the onset and am able to make it to the bathroom. The funny thing is that I always felt better the next day. Despite my parents attempt to get some sort of diagnosis they were never able to determine what it was so I'm just left knowing that I've mostly grown out of it. Today I'm at the point where I maybe have 5 to 6 occurrences of this a year. Something to me that is manageable. I do wish however I knew what it was or is, and I also pray that this will not be a concern of the surgeon's and effect the final decision.
And completely unrelated stuff. I've been reading so many people's blogs and can't help but notice how everyone has their own customized templates and such. I'm not really ecstatic about my generic one but don't know any HTML and haven't been able to find a free template I liked. I was talking with a guy at work whose wife is part of the blogging world and she uses square space since you don't need any HTML knowledge for it. Only thing is you can't combine blogger and square space :( Since I've already started here and found a few people that I would like to keep in contact with throughout this journey I don't really want to move to another system. Any suggestions out there?

I've been reading so much about the band and everything I read just further confirms that I really want to get this done. Having said that I do have some concerns and questions to ask the Dr.

1. What percentage of patients have their bands slip?
- Most of what I've read this is caused by vomiting after surgery, which I don't know if I'll be able to control. For as long as I can remember I've kind of had a weak stomach and never having had any sort of surgery before I don't know how I will react to the anesthetic. In the last year I've spent a lot of time at the Dr.'s trying to get answers to this 'indigestion' problem. It isn't my gall bladder, celiac disease, or colitis. The latest he's come up with is IBS. I also think it may be a food allergy but I don't even know where to begin that one. I am concerned that this might influence whether or not I can get the surgery.
2. What is their post-operative support system like?
- Do they have dietitians and therapists available to help patients afterword or am I on my own except for fills after.
3. What would be my expected weight loss?
- Are we talking a healthy 2-4 pounds per week or something more drastic.

Now that I've started typing this I'm suddenly forgetting everything I was concerned about.
I do know that I need to start curbing my spending habits. I have an addiction to live music and last year spent... well a lot on concerts. I suppose that I need to decide what is more important. My health is, so I've purchased my last concert ticket for a while :( It will be a great show though, I will be seeing Taylor Swift in July with a girlfriend who used to be in the lab. I'm digressing though. This isn't going to be an inexpensive endeavor. In fact I will be going into quite a bit a dept to do this. It is 2/3 of my yearly salary. As great as people seem to think the Canadian health care system is they do not cover any portion of weight loss surgeries unless you are extremely obese (to the point that death is just around the corner). It is kind of disappointing that the government won't help to pay any portion of this when in the long run I will be saving them more money the the actually cost of the surgery since I will be avoiding future co-morbidity's such as my mother's joint replacements and cancer treatment. Who knows maybe once this is said and done I will have enough self confidence to become an advocate for weight loss surgeries to get the government to wake up!

Shout out to Skinny Biddy for the comment! I've been reading your blog from the beginning for a little while now and it has actually helped me quite a bit so thanks! One of your comments near the beginning said that all you had left to get was a man, I'm in the same boat!

Music at the Moment: Air - Moon Safari

In a little over a month I'm turning 24 years old. I always thought that 22 would be my year but things out of my control such as my Mother's struggle with Breast Cancer prevented that. I decided that 23 would be my 22 instead. I was going to accomplish things I'd always wanted to do and become my best self. In January of 2008 I made my first real trip on my own to Cuba to attend a friends wedding. I had a great time... if I ignored the fact that I was extremely ashamed of the way I looked and the weight I had let myself get to.
In the past I've tried several different diet/weight loss programs. I successfully lost weight with the South Beach diet but puck it all back on plus more. I've done Weight Watchers but without any real success. I thought it was time to start something new. In Cuba I watched my friend walk down the aisle 50 pounds lighter and happier thanks to U Weight Loss. It was expensive but can you put a price on your health and happiness so upon my return home I signed up. It was fantastic at first maybe because with any new program you are extremely motivated. I lost 28 pounds, almost halfway to my goal at that time. I visited my brother for the first time in 3 years and was proud of the way I looked except I was hungry! Eventually I became disenchanted with the program and the staff. Who were these people that kept telling me exactly what to eat, how much of it, consume upwards of 15 supplements a day and to devote all of my spare time to meal preparation and exercise. I wanted to scream and tell them to leave me alone! I was suffocating under the strict food preparation and exercise and hungry all the time. I could not do it anymore. I wasn't happy. I did not have time to do the things that made me happy despite the fact that at one point I thought losing the weight alone would fix that.
At my most recent weigh in (23Dec08 at my annual check-up) I'm sitting at 206 pounds, a heavy load for my 5'3" frame. I am still down 12 pounds from my all time heaviest but in fact according to the BMI I am extremely obese, and I feel this way too. I am afraid that if I keep on this path I will be back or above my heaviest. I will encounter the same problems as my Mother in years to come: diabetes, still obese, multiple joint replacements due to stress on joints from weight, and potentially having survived (or not) cancer. I CAN NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!
Enter the Lap Band system. I had been reading about it for months now and finally got over myself and talk to my Mom about it. I suppose I was expecting an adverse reaction mostly because I myself kind of thought it would be the easy way out... but is it? I'd already spent thousands of dollars trying to fix this problem without any results. I'm young and not living my life to it's greatest potential because of this so how is this the easy way out? It's not! It will still be a struggle to overcome my eating habits and self image issues but I will have the help of the lap band to get me there.
With my parents encouragement and support I've booked a consultation. It is scheduled for the 20-Jan. I truly believe that I am a good condidate for this and hope that the surgical team agrees. I can't wait to have the appointment, get all of the information and hopefully book a surgery date so that maybe I can make 24 and the rest of my life what I really want them to be.
If anyone is even reading this feel free to leave comments! And there will be more to come soon as I approach the consultation date and hopefully the surgery. I would really like to commit to this blog as a way of dealing with/vocalizing my feelings surrounding this. I've never been fantastic at communicating but have always kept a journal and a blog seemed like the natural thing to do.
Lots of Love - Les