I had a great day today, better than I have in quite a long time. I was kind of stuck in a rut at work and I seem to be digging out of it now. I guess I should explain what I do.
I work as a technician in a research lab. The funny part is that the particular lab I work in is mostly nutritional based. We look at how different components found in food, or just general food types help obesity and cardiovascular diseases. For example we've researched CLA (found primarily in dairy), omega-3 in flax and fish oils, as well as pulses (beans, lentils etc) and our latest is buckwheat. We conduct our research on both a basic level working with animal models of obesity and diabetics as well as on a clinical level having patients with pre-existing conditions consume food items. How did I end up researching nutrition when I myself seem to have such trouble managing my own diet and well-being?? I have no idea.
Anyways, for a while I was stuck not getting any good results for my boss and was feeling the tension from him. This week things seem to have changed. I almost wonder if it's one of those if you have a positive attitude it works situations. Since I've made my decision to get a consultation about the band I have noticed my attitude and outlook has done a 360. I have struggled with depression for quite some time and the last week I feel as though a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I can attribute this to nothing except for my taking the first step towards a better me.
Only 6 days until my consultation now and I'm very excited. My Mom is going to go with me as a second set of ears and for moral support. Since we're both taking the afternoon off to do this we're going to go do a little retail therapy down in that area of the city after. I've recently gotten into leather crafting and there is a Tandy Leather Factory out that way I love to visit. I've got some great ideas but need to pick the brain of the shop owner and pick up some supplies. We're both also avid knitters and there's a great local yarn shop out that way we can stop into. I'm kind of stoked to have a girls afternoon out too, it has been a while since my Mom and I have had some bonding time without Dadder around.
I was reading the Skinny Biddy's latest entry and she was saying how she feels like no one could ever be attracted to the fat her and since she still feels like the fat Bridget no one could ever be attracted to her now. I've faced this same fear so many times myself. I often wonder if I lose the weight how comfortable I will be in my own skin. There is no doubt that the "fat" person is perceived and treated much differently than the "skinny" person. How will I adjust to the way people talk to me, look at me and treat me? It is something I don't know, but I am sure that it will take monumental adjustment. I often feel like Bridget and wonder if it even matters if a lose the weight. Cause I'm ugly fat so won't I still be ugly skinny... why bother? But then I need to remind myself that I'm not doing this so that people will think I'm beautiful, I'm doing this for me. My health and wellness is more important that others opinion and perception of my beauty. I have lots of great friends that love me the way I am. I'll just be Leslee 2.0. Vamped up on the outside but the inner strength that makes me who I am today will always be there.
So if you're reading this Bridget I'm with you girl! We'll find our prince charming when we're least expecting it but your inner beauty really does need to be appreciated first and foremost.
Lots of Love - Les (hopefully 2.0)
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