Well... I guess a formerly fluffy god mother. An extra big thanks to Fluffy who not only is my 30th follower she also forced me to take a step back from yesterday's a-bomb of a post and re-assess.

She asked some tough and extremely valid questions of me that we should all do periodically I think.
1) Do you love yourself?
Yes, I do love myself. I think what everyone read yesterday was me at rock bottom. I've slept it off and had a nice long bath to wash away my tear hangover. I do love me. I love that for the most part I am confident being me whether or not I am alone. There are lots of qualities in myself that I truly believe I possess that make me the person I am. In no particular order I love that I am: kind, caring, humorous (at times), blond (yes you read that right) and have green eyes (not blue!), good at cooking/baking/knitting/crocheting/painting insert any crafty method here, true to friendships, honest, spontaneous at times, helpful and the list could go on.
2) Do you think you are worthy of someone loving you?
Yes again. I KNOW that I am worthy of someone loving me. The part where I get upset and end up writing and saying everything from yesterday is how come as of yet no one has seen all of these qualities in me and loved me? I don't think I'm unapproachable there must be someone out there who has looked at me and thought that I'm attractive and that they could like me so why in 25 years has no one ever expressed this? Why why why? I'm not about to be the one doing the pursuing I think that if someone is interested in me they are going to take the first step.
I don't know! I'm confused just totally and completely confused!

On another topic and completely un-related to yesterdays drama. The scale this morning was a rather pleasant surprise. I know it's only because it was a morning weigh in and I haven't eaten much the last few days and been really busy/active but (drum roll please)...... 164.5 pounds! I'm trying to remember when I last weighed this much. Yup can't remember. So here's what I do know. When I graduated high school at 18 years old (so 7 years ago) I was a size 10/12 on the bottom and L on top. Today I'm sporting size 14 jeans belt necessary and might need to go shopping again since I bought them about 10 pounds ago and an XL on top. Now I'm not sure the XL on top will change since I've been blessed (if we can call it that) with a pretty big chest. Although that top I showed in my post last week the green one from the gap is a large and not toooo tight in the chest so with some tummy toning I might eventually be able to wear a large. I have way way way more energy. Sometimes I even catch myself in the afternoon going to look at the clock and thinking "This day will never end" because I still have energy so I expect it to be 1:30 or 2:00 only when in reality it turns out to be more like 4:00 or 4:30ish. It's a nice surprise!

Tomorrow night I'm doing my first ever Partylite show for my friend A from college. I'm excited and nervous all at once. But I've just got to remember that I love the product and if I let this show then others will too!

Hope everyone is enjoying the rest of their weekends. It's finally sunny out here thank god!!! I'm going to get sit out on my deck and get some sunshine!
5 Responses
  1. -Grace- Says:

    I totally understand where you're coming from (especially in light of the break-up I'm going through, but I felt this way before that too...long story!). It's clear that you love yourself (in a good way not a narcissistic way!) and you are, clearly, a very nice, fun and driven person from reading your blog. It's hard not to question why one is single when all signs point to that person being awesome, but you will find someone.

    Think of it this way: when you do meet that person who sweeps you off your feet you will appreciate it that much more!! :)

    I hope my rambling helped.


  2. andy Says:

    I can relate to your postings. I understand how you feel! Things will get better. The single part is not fun at all. Eventually I tell myself i'll get skinnier and it will help me in many different aspects. Your changing your life for the better. Just know that your worth it and you will find happiness. I'm 25 and single to. I know how you feel about nobody expressing interest in 25 years. It can get very upsetting.

  3. Girl Bandit Says:

    I am sure that you are a great person....maybe you need to try some new circles of friends and mix it up a bit....good luck with your party!!!

  4. Band Groupie Says:

    I think it's so hard these days to meet new people, especially when work and other business eats up our time.

    Getting skinny does change a lot of things, and not the least of which is how people react and treat you (sad, but true). How YOU change (or not, but this isn't likely as most do) in relation to that is all up to you though. Set yourself some non-weight goals and make this journey more than about your weight. Maybe it's seeking out ways to meet new people by joining something or starting a new hobby with lots of boys, or maybe it's relationship counseling for how to do all this, or maybe it's doing something way out of your comfort zone...speed dating, or an online dating site, or even blind dates through your friends (how I met DH)...take some new chances. You can't meet new people if you're not putting yourself in new situations.

    You'll find him...and it will be worth the wait, because you are worth the wait.

  5. ((hugs)) So glad you are feeling better. I agree with Band Groupie. There are lots of ways to meet new people, try some of them. Church is a good place to meet good men, too! Best of luck to you. <3

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