Directions
Leslee
I'm heading in all of the right directions right now as far as I'm concerned. I'm back down to 170 pounds after my most recent fill two weeks ago now I guess. I'm at 6.0 mL which I feel pretty good at and think I can stay here for a while, I've had a couple PB issues at the volume this time around even though I was at 6.5 previously and I believe it's mostly cause I had gotten lazy with the un-fill and forgotten to chew chew chew, wait and chew some more. I'm getting back into the routine and I'm feeling good about the level I'm at. Since I've re-reached my 170 goal I'm getting my hair done again on Saturday, yesh! Friday night I'm heading out with some girls from work and a few other girlfriends to Whiskey Dix (local country/top 40 bar, yes that is really it's name.) I haven't been to the bar in forever and I'm curious if I will get noticed at all. I was always the token fat friend in the past all my girlfriends would get noticed and drinks bought for them and then there was me... We'll see, I'll have a blast either way!

I made a very bold and un-Leslee like decision/move Monday and while I still feel like a bit of a dumb ass about it I also feel better for it. So I know I had mentioned before that I have had this thing for a guy at work aptly nicknamed "Hot Todd." I was getting really confused cause I was getting some hugely mixed messages from him. Whenever I was around him I got more of the vibe like he'd just like to be friends but then I'd get these random texts and e-mails and stuff that kind of left me thinking maybe he might be interested. So what brought on my uncharacteristic move? One of the girls from work was chatting with him on Facebook on Friday evening and decided to try and get the low-down for me. Basically what came out of it was yes he thought/knew I had a thing for him but also thought that I would be "an awesome friend." While disappointing it was also kind of relieving to finally find out. I'm kind of shy, okay really shy for the most part. I had to get it over with so I sent him a message on facebook and told him that yes I do/did have a thing for him but I know you're not interested blah blah blah maybe we can be friends. His response... maybe only in group settings to be "fair to me." I took this to mean basically that I just freaked him out big time and he doesn't want to be friends which is cool with me but just be honest! I kind of can't stand white lies like that. If you're not comfortable being my friend cause I had feelings for you just say so! One of the girls at work thinks that he genuinely thinks its better if we're friends but only hanging out in groups so I don't get the wrong message. Yeah cause all the random texts and links to romantic songs/video's you e-mailed me didn't send any conflicting messages at all. Oh, well. I kind of feel like I've been led on and it sucks ass so if I ever do this to someone or have done it to someone in the past I'm so sorry! 

As embarrassed as I am having told him that I had a thing for him I feel like it's helped me to just get over it and move on to find someone that is interested. No more wasted thoughts over him and I'm going in the right direction in another aspect of life.As for the online dating stuff. There's a couple more guys I've been in contact with that I can see myself meeting up with and seeing where things go. 

I was at a family wedding a couple weeks ago and want to post a few pictures from it but they're on my Dad's camera so I've got to wait until he brings it back for me to load them. I thought I looked great and my sister-in-law said I looked awesome I've just got to see the pics to believe it. I wore this cute empire waist style dress with a black bottom, white top with black swirls on it, scoop neck and cap sleeves.

The hospital my lab is associated with puts on a boot camp each spring/fall so I'm going to sign up for it this time. It will be for the month of September on M,W,F 4:30-5:30 and it's only $80 so I can't complain. The time and price couldn't be better. One of my co-workers did it last year and said that she did more running than she expected but that's fine with me. I've always kind of wished I was a "runner" and I know my dog would love it so maybe this will give me a kick start.

So hump day is almost over and so is the summer. Hope everyone enjoys every last moment of it. The pic below is from one of our Girl's Nights In earlier this summer. It's just taken forever for me to put it up.
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Avoidance
Leslee

Since my last post, lord knows how long ago that was I haven't been doing as fantastic as I could have hoped. Or would like for that matter. My un-fill life saving able to get fluids down day was great, for a day! I have yet to get any restriction back and I think I'm now back up to about 5 or 5.5 mL in the band. I've been back in twice since the un-fill and got 2 mL each time. So yeah 5.5 would make more sense. I'm eating as though I have no little plastic ring inside of me with a little saline inner tube. It is mortifying!!!!!!! At first the scale stayed steady. And then it just gradually kept on creeping. Well hell when you can eat whatever you want and however much of it you want that's whats gonna happen. We all know that, and that's why we're in this situation. I have an appointment tomorrow morning and I am envisioning myself on my knees begging for just 1 mL more. Usually at this point they seem to like and increase by only about 0.25-0.5 mL at a time. So what is that nasty mean scale saying anyways? It's tell me that I'm weighing a very regressed 174 pounds. Not too bad in the grand scheme but I was at 164 thank you very much! If you might recall a while back I had a 170 goal to get my hair done and I had far surpassed that. I'm completely bummed out by this to say the least.
In other news, which I'm still rather upset about, I had to put my cat Lekili down about two weeks ago :( She as only ten and for those of you who have or had cats this is fairly young. I had started to notice that she was losing weight and as strange as it sounds was being exceptionally "friendly" for her. I had a vet come to the house, we did some blood work and unfortunately it turned out that she was in kidney failure. I then made an appointment with our regular vet to go over the results and learn how to give her some fluids. I kept up the fluids for just over a week but it was not helping and she was actually deteriorating very fast. It had gotten to the point where she wouldn't eat or drink and slept most of the time. When she did come around you could tell she was having trouble walking and would take frequent breaks trying to get to her destination. She couldn't handle stairs anymore either and started making her "own" litterbox. So sad! I still come home expecting to see her curled up on my bed and go to bed expecting her to come curl up on my hip like she always did.
I went and did some shopping yesterday. Retail therapy we'll say. I was in desperate need for some new tops and jeans since everything top wise was at least two sizes too big. I ended up buying a few tops and the gap had an awesome sale on their denim, buy one get the second for 25$. So I know I probably shouldn't have but I bought the jeans in 12's since that was where I was before putting that 10 pounds back on and I'm determined that it wont last for very long. I also picked up a few cute skirts, some leggings, and a tunic style dress. I've got a family wedding to go to this weekend so hopefully I'll get some pics of me all gussied up to post.
Oh! I can't believe I almost forgot to put this. I recently (maybe two weeks ago now?) went on my very first date EVER. Crazy I know. It was with a guy I met on one of the dating sites I've thrown myself out there with. How'd it go? Uhmmm... it didn't. First off why I even agreed to go mini-golfing is kind of beyond me cause I'm terrible at it and being a bit of a perfectionist it pisses me off when I can't do something. There was just nothing there. He seemed like a nice enough guy, I don't know if he was really nervous or something it was just really hard to get any information out of him. I did feel really bad later though cause he asked if he could call me again and my response was "Sure." When really what I was thinking was, no please don't. Thankfully (or not) he e-mailed me again to see if he could call (not sure why?) but regardless it let me say no through e-mail instead of the phone. I guess it seemed easier to turn someone down that way. It's terrible! I'm new at this what do you want from me!
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